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Breathing with a heavy heart

I’ve been laying here for hours
Waiting for someone like you
Abuse me and misuse me
Snap my heart right into two


Touch me in places
You’d never be allowed
Smother me but not with kisses
Until my heart makes not one sound


Just let me bleed
Cut me open and rip it out
Break my heart and then my bones
Dispose and disregard me


Make me suffer with all your might
I want to feel the pain

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No one to help dry my eyes,
Why should they help me if I can’t help myself.
Staring into darkness,
Searching for a light.
No hand to reach out and hold.
Drowning in an ocean of self pity,
Justified by nothing but lack of motivation.
Stringing words together,
As if spoken in another language.
Singing songs to inspire,
Designed to intimdate.
The black hole inside pulsates,
Tying to fill the void
With fake smiles.
Can’t pretend for much longer.
When reality forces its way into full view,
Dreams seem like a mirage in the distance,
Slowly fading as I’m quickly sinking,
Into the quicksand that is my life.
Wishing sometimes that it would swallow me whole,
So that I won’t have to fail myself.
My fingers speak so much better than my mouth ever could,
And a photo lies much more than the mirror.
Secretly hoping they don’t see my truth,
Concealed under the surface.
What you see isn’t always what you get.
Impatiently waiting for that fairytale to come true.
There’s no evil stepsisters, no fairy godmother, no prince charming,
What’s the point waiting for a happy ending?

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Johnny was a singer.
Kiss the girls and make them cry.
See the world in a matter of days.
Before he knew it was time to leave.
Exchanged his faith for a wild lifestyle.
His last words sealed his fate.


One day leads to another
Before we know time's passed us by.
What we once knew is a distant memory.
Tears may fall for a minute.
But pain lasts a lifetime.


Mary was an actress.
Teeth as white as snow.
Made millions living a lie.
Just to drown her sorrows every night.
On the way home she saw a mirror.
Never realised how ugly she'd become.

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There's something about you.
I can't describe what it is.
All I know is that I can't stop thinking about you.
You make my heart beat slowly and quickly at the same time.

Why can't I find a boy like you?
Someone who will laugh at me when I'm an idiot.
Who will hold my hand and say "I love you".
Who will kiss me in the rain.
Who can make me laugh.

It's as if I'm meant to be alone.
Never without a friend, always without another.
Almost as if they're rubbing it in.
Taunting me everywhere I go.

Doomed for a lfe of misery.
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A restless slumber.
Cut in half.
Interrupted by external forces.
Tying to intervene.

Wishing you would leave me.
In a place that no one knows.
Where I dream of you forever.
In a world that is my own.

Where I can leave everything behind.
Forget about my fears and sorrows.
Where age is non existent.
And creatures from my childhood come to life.

To sleep forever.
And never wake.
Would be a sweet delight.
I ask for nothing in return.
But to be erased from time.

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When death stares you in the face.
You start to re-think your life.

Wondering.
What could have been done differently.

Savouring.
Every last moment.

Thinking.
What your life could have been.

Wishing.
You could erase what had been said.

Questioning.
Whether you are ready to leave.

Imagining.
What the afterlife is like.

Anticipating.
Your very last breath.

Awaiting.
The news.

Current Location: in bed
Current Mood: contemplative contemplative
Current Music: A Little Less Sixteen Candles - FOB

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You used to hold me tight.
Say I was your little girl.
You were so proud of me.
I would do everything right.
Exactly what you wanted.


Dear daddy.
Can I tell you a secret?
Will you tell me a lie?
Stop everything from hurting.
And make everything alright.


Seasons change.
Time doesn’t wait for anybody.
Where did you go wrong?
How could something that seemed so good.
End up so bad?


Dear daddy.
Can I tell you a secret?
Will you tell me a lie?
Stop everything from hurting.
And make everything alright.


You’ve got to realize.
I’m not your baby anymore.
I’ve made my mistakes.
And I’ve chosen my path.
No way to turn back.

Current Location: on my bed
Current Mood: calm calm
Current Music: Grand Theft Autumn (Remix) FOB

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Karma is just a word.
It means nothing to me.

Current Location: Bed
Current Mood: blank blank
Current Music: G.I.N.A.S.F.S. - Fall Out Boy

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You're my art attack.
I'm your Neil Buchanan.

I'm your papier mache.
Keeping your life together.

My life is a scrapbook.
Showing off my true colours.

You're my head.
On full rotation.

You're the PVA glue.
holding us together.

Using my black marker I outline our hearts.
I'll do it here quickly to show you.

Until next time, Too-ra


Written by me and Jamie, dedicated to Art Attack (1989 – 2007), the best show. Ever.

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Stop.
Don't say another word.
I've had it with your lies.

I see through every line.
Transparent.

Waiting for you to slip.
Like a game.
Not if but when.

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Current Location: Home; leaving for work
Current Mood: sick sick
Current Music: Get Busy Living or Get Busy Dying - FOB

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